pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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