im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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