how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
