It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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