Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
