god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everclear isn't food dammit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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