I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
