A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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