he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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