Got a toothbrush?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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