If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drake has all the answers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
