Old men and throwing up are my life now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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