I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
