3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Send help, water and tortillas.
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