Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
