I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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