What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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