i'm signing you up for texting rehab
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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