whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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