I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
