even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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