Define "chronic" masturbator.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
