I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
