At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
