Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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