I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
