did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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