yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
