Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
