dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
