oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
