Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
