and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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