He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Found the puke drawer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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