May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
