I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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