if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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