Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
