I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
