yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
