im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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