stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Mom said you looked used
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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