are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
