I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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