i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
