I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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