My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
