i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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