I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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