threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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