i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
