Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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