HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
