You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
