How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
